October Update

There is so much to tell about these past few months!

Let’s start with the most exciting; after working on a film for so long it was selected to be a part of its first festival, which did well because the overall rating for the snippet shared on Get Indie Wise came up to a 9.2 on their 10 score scale. I’m really excited that people want to see this documentary and voted for it. It’s truly heartwarming, humbling and overwhelming to see that while some producers might not see the value of a story, the audience does and that’s what really matters to me – to any filmmaker I know really.

Furthermore, I began filming on the docu-series Silent No More in the first episode I speak to James Landrith, who has made incredible things as a speaker and writer about that one horrific time a woman raped him. His declarations are compelling and I can’t wait for you to hear him. I also include an interview with William Murray, a theology student who is focusing his thesis on criminal behavior and how we, as a society, can change the way we educate ourselves when it comes to aggression, sexuality and religion – all of which are the three main causes of harassment and/or crime in my opinion. It’s going to be a real treat for you to see the series. The goal is to really explore the topics I mention in Forced into Silence, which because of time restrictions couldn’t really go into it – because that would have made a 10 hour film….and no one wants to sit through something like that…also that’s what series are for!

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In other (short) film news, I began….and completed shooting Ocean Therapy and changed the films name to Salt Water (<<< click to see the preview) – I thought the latter had more “oomph” and would be more poetic and direct at the same time.  Salt Water is the second installment of the environmentally themed trilogy of short documentaries that began with Forever Boogies. The short runs about 33 minutes long and features interviews and snippets of the work done by two of the most amazing people I know. Yesael Rivera and Lisandra Baez are setting out to change the world they live in and by working with children with Autism and Down Syndrome through their free clinics/lessons of body boarding, stand up paddle boarding (SUP) and skateboarding.

Baez, a former physical education teacher and athletic director in Dorado was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in 2009. Still, she competes in may SUP events, recently winning first place in women’s division in Rincón.  Rivera, a former Olympic qualifying and Central Olympic swimmer, is coming up with some amazing proposals for coastal safety as he co-directs an innovative non-profit in the North-Central area of the island. It’s a great film filled with anecdotes, positivity, inspiration and how the ocean is providing so much for people who find themselves with so little.

In other news, I have come to work with a fun magazine called No Boundaries X Magazine; it’s a new local publication that focuses on extreme sporting, athletic development and the promotion of a healthy lifestyle and environment. It’s a lot of work, but it’s enjoyable.

I have to admit, being the managing editor and social media manager for the magazine, as well as a filmmaker, caregiver and business woman…it’s satisfying, but also a lot of responsibility and at times a bit overwhelming. Wherein comes scheduling in order for me to make everything I need to make happen…well, happen. I like working at the magazine because I get to see how people are improving their lives through their efforts, and their passions are contagious.

Although I work incredibly hard, I make sure to take time for myself. To recharge, to disconnect from all the things that, while amazing, they can be stressful – so I go out to the beach and ride some waves, or take a dip or two after I cover a coastal event. This is part of making sure I don’t lose my mind, or how I usually say it ‘lose my shit’ – I have so much to do and I’ve been neglecting other things (like making diaper bags for one of my best friends and her husband because they just had her first child) – but that’s okay, because I still have time to make these things. I just have to make it fit my schedule (hahaha).

Also, if you follow me regularly, you might have noticed I took out the Patreon page for donations. Why? Well, because no one was pledging and it was annoying me – so I took it out after closing the account. I understand the economy is bad, and that’s okay.

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Weightless

I’ve been trying to figure out how to describe the feeling of being in the ocean – yesterday, I interviewed someone for my next documentary on using the ocean as a form of physical and mental therapy and he used the perfect word to describe it “weightless”. He went on to describe how he felt as being superman, as if he were flying on water – a sensation that he’s never experienced before.

It reminded me of the first time I went on the water – how weightless and at home I felt. As I was completely submerged in the ocean, I felt the earth hug me and kiss me. Nothing else has made me feel quite at home, or at peace – not even hiking excursions or dips in the rivers. It’s the ocean where I feel most at home.

Because of this feeling, as well as the feeling of rejuvenation that each beach trips leaves me with I started to wonder; how would this make a child with autism feel? How will a child with Down Syndrome, ADD, ADHD, and more – because I needed to ease my curiosity I went to see how kids with these ‘learning disabilities’ benefited from being in the ocean, even if it was for a day. The results were outstanding. I saw children who were incredibly anxious in the morning to tirelessly smiling, cheering and hugging as soon as the water kissed their toes.

According to CoralReefSystems.org “Creatures found in coral ecosystems are important sources of new medicines being developed to induce and ease labor; treat cancer, arthritis, asthma, ulcers, human bacterial infections, heart disease, viruses, and other diseases; as well as sources of nutritional supplements, enzymes, and cosmetics. The medicines and other potentially useful compounds identified to date have led to coral ecosystems being referred to as the medicine cabinets of the 21st century by some, and the list of approved and potential new drugs is ever growing.”

So, why aren’t more people looking towards the ocean as a form of therapy? Why aren’t we taking better care of our oceans, when we can benefit in so many more ways than just economically? These, and many other questions, I decided I was going to try to find answers to, by asking the right people in my next documentary. Yesterday I began filming the first interviews.

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Yesael Rivera says that being in the ocean makes him “feel like Superman”

Yesael Rivera, a kind, soft spoken student of biology and physical therapy agreed to be a part of the film – he spoke about his passion for swimming (he is a former Olympic-qualifying swimmer), helping others and how he balances his day job, studies and his volunteer work. His weightless feeling in the ocean, coupled with his love for nature and conservation is part of what keeps him motivated to work with children and people who suffer from any ailment. It has been his experience (which is similar to mine) that the ocean provides the necessary tools to open up a persons’ mind, heart and soul to be able to improve physically, mentally and emotionally.

These, and many other benefits of the ocean is what I will explore in this unique film that I’m sure you’ll all love.

In the meantime, I will go on filming and feeling weightless, and much like AquaWoman – because in the ocean is where I know life continues. Even while we, as humans, try our best to destroy it – it evolves, it heals itself, it thrives and is ever constant.

Recap of The Dr. Vibe Blab (podcast)

So, as you know I was on The Dr. Vibe Show on Thursday, and I have to say it was amazing…it was on fire!

Screenshot_20160804-202613For those who missed it, I went on the show to talk about my latest documentary Forced into Silence and the five-year-process it was to make it. Many people tuned in, interacted and asked important questions – questions that are crucial to the understanding, the acknowledgement of male victimization in domestic abuse, sexual assault and child sexual abuse cases, and THAT was the purpose of the film.

I’m really happy to see that even before it is released, Forced into Silence is making a difference in how people are seeing victims; genderless, unbiased, and without fault of what was done to them.

If you didn’t get a chance to log in to Twitter or Blab, you can go ahead and watch the show now through this link.

New Material released! (and coming soon)

I’ve been working on a few projects the last few weeks (almost a month now) and I’m happy to announce that they’re all ready for viewing!

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subscribe to the PR Surf and Skate Club’s YouTube Channel to stay up to date on their awesome work! (and also mine…lol)

Partnering up with the Puerto Rico Surf and Skate Club has been a great deal for me. I’ve seen how they work in the past, but I didn’t quite realize the impact they had on children in the neighborhood, until working with them in creating videos for their newly created YouTube Channel. The non-profit works with children who are interested in learning the sport and with parents whose children have been diagnosed with autism, Down syndrome and other developmental disabilities – so they can gain the focus and social skills they need to lead productive and independent lives.

You can watch the 12 minute documentary about the club here. There are also a few interview videos you can watch if you know Spanish, you can see them here and here. They are fun and short videos about volunteer work, their motivation and the impact the children have from their clinics in the beach and the local park they learn how to skateboard.

Writing is an art best left to flourish

Besides working on these videos with the Club, I’ve written the script for a short film that I’m sure, will make a huge impact on the audience once I’m able to produce it.

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The Speaker, inspired by actual events (short film) written by me! 

Logline:

The story follows a girl who’s ready to give one of the most important talks of her life – She’s nervous and when she closes her eyes she’s reminded of all the events that brought her to where she’s standing. The gritty, the painful; the moment she realized she wasn’t alone and most importantly the moment she realized she wasn’t worthless because of these bad experiences.

It’s a powerful script, with very jarring scenes. The sort of jarring scenes you only see in real life, which is apt, because it is based on real events. I’m really happy with the script and will be soon submitting to screenplay festivals to gain some funding to be able to produce it.

Skype is seeking talent

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still shot from my proposal video to Skype

With all that’s been happening (submitting Forced into Silence to festivals along with the aforementioned work) I’ve submitted a grant application to Skype Shoot the Future with hopes they select my docu-series project proposal.  The proposal is to produce a series of short documentaries further exploring the issue I present in FiS in a pragmatic and inclusive way to be able to find a solution to a problem that only continues to increase as the years go by, a problem that affects us all as people, as partners, as a beloved to anyone.

So, plenty has been happening with my professional life! I’ve been working really hard to be able to continue to produce content – even without any funding. Because not all filmmakers get to have donors, or financiers; even if they have pages like Patreon up and running – which you can see with mine there’s not one donor signed up to it. Oh well. Still, I’ll continue to make my work happen the best that I can without the money – I won’t let that stop me.

What have you been doing for the past 5 years?

We’re often so focused on the goal that we forget to take a look and enjoy what we’ve already accomplished. It isn’t until we are asked, in earnest, what we’ve been up to – when we realize what we have already done in the process of trying to reach that end goal.

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try to tell me that Kris Holden-Reid doesn’t look like Chris Martin

I was recently having a conversation with a friend. Telling her that I had a new celebrity crush and how confused I was because the actor looked so much like Chris Martin from Coldplay – and since I’m not sure if Martin is a handsome man or not, he is in fact a funny guy and that could work for me. As the conversation progressed to me saying something like “I’ve been single for like five years, I’m ready to settle down with the right person” she asked me what I’ve been doing for those years; my answer:

 

  1. I’ve been taking care of my Dad;
  2. I’ve been taking care of myself;
  3. I’ve edited 5 manuscripts, 2 of which have been nominated for several Latino Literature Awards;
  4. Been featured in an investigative journalism collaborative book;
  5. Given talks at La Guardia Community College;
  6. Completed 3 films – one (unreleased) scripted short and two documentaries – while starting to work on a fourth film;
  7. I’ve written my own novel that’s yet to be published (because I haven’t pitched it out really);
  8. I’ve written two feature length screenplays, and most recently a short film screenplay;
  9. Gained an incredible amount of weight due to depression;
  10. Beat my depression and became active with Pilates, dance, and swimming;
  11. Became a part of the #EveryBodyInAds movement for the Irish Jewelry company Trinkets Jewellry

While listing all these accomplishments makes me feel mostly awkward – as if I were overtly bragging on the things I’ve done, it can serve as a reminder that I haven’t been wasting my time during the past five years. In fact, I’ve been setting up a strong foundation to my career as a filmmaker and positive role model/figure to encourage people to keep on working on their dreams despite their current challenges. As a full time caregiver of a parent, I have to say – it’s hard. Very hard to do anything else other than worry for them, stay on top of their medical appointments and other things that they need. Still, I manage to do so and ensure that I take time to myself while I’m making sure he’s well. Because if I’m not good, there is no way I can do anything for anyone else.

Still, while I’m mostly uncomfortable with bragging on myself – I do feel a bit of annoyance when people who haven’t met me personally, have gotten to know me as the “one who organizes stuff” or “keeps things super clean” or “the one who can go shopping for an entire outfit in 10 minutes flat” from what they’ve heard from people that do, in fact, know me.

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some of my acquired skills is interviewing, directing and editing footage

Although we’re not our jobs, I have worked hard in many different areas and have done other things than be super clean and organized, and fast at clothes shopping. Being fully aware that I’m far from being financially successful/independent – I have to stay that I’ve put a lot of effort at building the foundation to acquire such success/independence at a not-so-far-off date. Maybe that’s what most people classify as successful, and until that isn’t achieved – one can only be known as the one who is super organized, clean and fast at clothes shopping.

At a recent get together with an old friend – she introduced me to some of her new friends – one of which shook my hand and said “I know everything about you!” and then proceeded to tell me “you go shopping for clothes and don’t try them on, and they still look perfect on you”. I wasn’t shocked to hear that from her, since the person who introduced her is always commenting on those particular things about me. But, I was a little disappointed that there wasn’t much else to talk about.

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you don’t think I can’t carry a conversation? EW! 

Nothing is worse than having a person not interested in starting a conversation with you because they don’t think you’re have anything worth talking about. Their knowledge of you does not dwell into anything further than the simple skills – and they care not to make conversation based on those facts that they’ve heard repeatedly about you. They don’t know about your hard work, your goals, and don’t know about the other set of skills you’ve honed for almost all your life and are putting into practice professionally.

Sometimes, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you know what you’ve done and what you’re planning to do at a later date. For brief moments, it’s okay to just be that person who is super fast at picking out clothes and excellent at organizing – because there will come a time when you’re going to be that person who will be known for what you’ve been working towards.

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snorkeling over some awesome coral in Vega Baja in 2014

So, while many people I’ll most likely not interact with again continue to know me for my OCD’ness – I will go snorkeling and start working on my next film.

Hopefully I’ll find the right guy to settle down with as I’m making my life happen

Silent no more

We’re starting 2016 out strong!

Happy New Year to all the readers – hope you had a great holiday season.

Getting straight to the point, I originally planned on starting production for Beneath the Waves but as life would have it that particular production will continue to be on hold – for now at least. Instead, I’ll give you the official preview for my other docu-film Forced into Silence – a documentary that pretty much has been three (3) years in the making. One that I am more than happy to bring a global audience – or at least to my collective 1000+ social media friends and followers.

If you’re not familiar with the story behind this project: I began working on this documentary in late 2012, and released a campaign video late 2013 to raised funds. Inspired and haunted by an article in The Guardian I found while doing research in 2011, I decided that I was going to explore the topic and do so at a larger scale. The research was overwhelming and sometimes deeply traumatizing. Brmain-qimg-6f0a11a2c4707f5a380099534396ab3cinging me to a dark place that I knew then most victims never leave. With every book, article and report I read determination grew and so did my relentlessness to tell these stories – in my mind people had to know about the men who are silently dealing with domestic abuse and sexual assault. Just as I had reported on the female victims of femicide in Guatemala, US and Puerto Rico, I found myself determined to help these victims who continue to battle their demons in secret.
According to a 2010 report published by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) one in four men will become a victim of domestic violence. That is 1 in 4 adult men will suffer some form of mental, verbal, or physical abuse (maybe even all of these) by their spouse/partner. To reiterate, that is one man every 37.8 seconds each day, will be domestically abused. One of the challenges that these men face, is that authorities do not see women as abusers, which is a contributing factor to the increase of these numbers.

Setting the record straight

Let me be clear, I am not dismissing the serious problem that is gender-based violence, nor am I saying that female victims of rape, domestic violence, discrimination should be ignored. No, that is not what I’m saying at all. What I’m saying is that anyone can be a victim and that one of the biggest problems faced in the recognition of male victims is the antiquated views of the male image paired with the lack of recognizing the likelihood of a woman being an aggressor and/or attacker. Especially if this man is in an authoritative position, say, in the military, or anything like that. Men often have to provide video evidence of the abuse they experience by their spouses, especially if this is a female. Why? Because men can fight back, and women are the weaker gender…right?

Our society is conditioned to recognize, and help women who have long suffered from traumatic events like these, while that is the correct thing to do, and we should continue doing so – we should also recognize that men have been, and continue to be victims of not only domestic violence, but sexual abuse, rape and harassment, and none of it is a joke.

Male rape in film

Male rape in film has been looked at in a comedic way. Movies such as Horrible Bosses where the “Man Eater” character played by Jennifer Aniston is in reality a sexual predator who eventually rapes Charlie Day’s character in the movies sequel after continuously and aggressively harassing him through the course of the first film – making this an excellent example of how assault of men is viewed in today’s society. Moreover, a film that I keep coming back to, is 40 days and 40 nights, when Josh Hartnett’s character, Matt Sullivan, is blatantly raped by his ex girlfriend (Vinessa Shaw’s Nicole) who ties him up to a bed and proceeds to rape him. Not shocking is the fact that later on in the film, Matt is accused of cheating on his new girlfriend (Shannyn Sossamon’s Erica), lying, and breaking his promise to remain celibate, despite the fact that he was obviously raped.

Then there is the groundbreaking Swedish film that brought things into perspective way before its time; Manrape, the 1978 film based on the book Män kan inte våldtas by Märta Tikkanen published in 1976. Although the book’s title translates to “man can’t be raped” the female protagonist Eva Randers, who has been sexually assaulted, plots a revenge on her rapist. She begins to follow him and study him and subsequently rapes him as pay back for what he’d done to her. In the film, Randers confesses her act of revenge, the response in 1978 is what many people still respond today.

Pettersson: What’s your crime?
Eva Randers: I have raped a man
Pettersson: You can’t rape a man

Today, we have cases like that of Shia LaBeouf’s of our times, who during a performing art installation was raped by a female fan. Despite the mixed reactions, LaBeouf bravely spoke about the rape – and the stigmas that many men faced were splattered across the media.  Stigmas that include the belief that in order to rape a man one must: 1. Be a man (or penetrate the male victim in some way or form), 2. Have a weapon of some sort 3. The event itself must be a violent one; and the question that many asked was 4. Why didn’t he fight her off?  Questions that wouldn’t have come to mind should LaBeouf have been a woman.

There is however, a growing population that knows that rape and domestic abuse is blind to gender and/or physical strength or abilities. Still, while some films continue to pollute the population with the stigma of men always want sex, and that having an erection means consent – there are shows like Law & Order: SVU whose latest episodes address the male rape epidemic head on. By presenting both female and male predators in their shows, they are educating their audience on the vulnerability and frailty of the human body and the susceptibility of anyone becoming a victim.  That is where Forced into Silence fits – the education of the public on the male victims of domestic violence and sexual assault.

Forced into Silence will feature compelling interviews with men who have been abused as children by family members, as well as their experience with abuse as adults. In addition, the documentary will also feature interviews with Executive Director of Male Survivor, author, speaker and survivor of multiple sexual traumas Christopher Anderson; therapist, author, and speaker Andrew Smiler, Ph.D.; as well as relationship coach, human rights and gender equity advocate Jasmin Newman. The film is meant to continue to open the door on the abuse of men, and how we, as a society, can eradicate the cycle of violence.

Wanna Blab?

2015-12-09 20.45.01.jpgYesterday, December 9, I was due to guest appear in the award-winning podcast The Dr. Vibe show, but due to some serious technical difficulties we had to reschedule for Monday December 14, 2015 at 8pm EST.

What is it going to be about? It’s going to be about my life as a beyond-indie filmmaker and full time caretaker of a parent. I’ll be discussing how I balance both, stay motivated and face the challenges both aspects of my life (career/personal) throw at me — I’ll also be discussing in depth my decision to start a Patreon page! I’ll also be discussing my next three film projects.

The podcast will be through the Blab application that can be easily accessed through twitter — you can interact by asking questions or by making comments throughout the live stream podcast.

To stay up to date on all things LSP (that’s me btw), follow me on twitter @LaShawnPagan where I’ll be sharing the link to the podcast as soon as I have it.

See you on twitter!